alright ... i left sunday late afternoon with my dad for philadelphia for my court date. the trip to philadelphia and driving around philadelphia was weird. i really do miss it. i'm very glad that i decided to leave philau because i do feel that i made the right choice, but i miss the city. well, i miss it more than i thought i would. it's still a pretty depressing city even with the beautiful weather.
ANYWAY. i had my court date yesterday morning at 9 in the AM. well, just to cut-to-the-chase, my tickets were basically dropped and i wasnt punished. how sweet is that? the cop talked to the D.A. beforehand and really helped me out.
so i got back to stafford, at my dad's house, at about 3 or 4 in the afternoon yesterday. i helped him clean out his computer of spam and viruses and etc. i left his house at about 6. on my way home, i met alli at the wawa on rt 1 to drop off her pants from the weekend. after i left wawa and was continuing down rt 1, guess who calls ... jack ferrick. so, of course, i pick up. even tho things have been weird between him and i, i still love the kid to death. he's a beautiful person inside and out, but is hurting pretty bad from his break-up with jenny a year ago. so he invites me to his house that night because his rents are having a bbq. he also said it was his spring break and that he's bringing a couple guys home with him for the night. so i thought sweet, as long as there really is going to be a couple guys there. haha. i arrive at his house a little after 9 and i get introduced to the guys: bj, mike, and jason (lee). all three of them are adorable. mike is especially adorable when he's drunk. all his words slide together and he just laughs with this big grin on his face. jason is adorable because he's the biggest of all four of them, but is extremely modest. and i saved the best for last, haha. bj. bj is the tiniest of all the boys. he's clever and funny, and he has one of those movie voices and it's hilarious. and maybe after the first hour or so of getting acquainted, he pulls a dane joke. i nearly peed myself with glee. and so at random moments of the evening we would just go back and forth telling dane jokes. alright, so those are the boys. but there's another aspect of this evening that made it cool. nicole childress arrives at about 930ish. now, nicole and i went to hs together, but basically never spoke to each other. we just rolled with different crews. haha. not to mention she is just naturally such a beautiful girl. so when she arrived i was like "great" because i figured the guys would be sweating nicole the whole night. but i was just myself, and nicole and i actually hit it off really well. we were cracking jokes and it was fun. and then at maybe 10-1030ish, ashlea parker and melissa pettyjohn (sp? i should know tho) show up. they stay for about half an hour. i did not like ashlea in hs. she never did anything to me and i never did anything to her, we were just different people making different life choices. melissa is cool. i have known her since elementary school, so we go way back. anyway, i wasn't thrilled that they showed up, but i was myself and, surprisingly, it was amazing and a lot of fun. and that's actually when the dane jokes started flying around. oh yeah, i dont think i mentioned this above, we were drinking. i was buzzed, and i'm pretty aware of my limits. jack, of course, got uber drunk. and towards the very end of the night, at about 1230ish, he started talking about jenny. and i think nicole and i were on the same page because she just sailed into him about feeling sorry for himself. haha. it was sad to see jack like that, but wonderful the way nicole put her words together in a thoughtful and unapologetic (sp?) manner.
so last night was really fun, and i'm very glad that i went. i got to connect with some people i was distance with in hs and i got to meet three really cool guys. bj and i actually hit it off really well. tehehe. i went inside to pee and when i came out, bj was in the next room. so he asks me what i'm going to be up to for the rest of the week. i tell him that i just have school wednesday night. and he says, "well, i dont know how you feel, but i'd really like to take you out to dinner sometime this week." OMG. i was totally diggin him, but i definitely didnt think he was feeling the same way. so i say yes, of course. and he tells me that his captain (the guys are on the baseball team with jack) wants to get the team out and that they might be going to a club in dc tonight (tuesday), so he invited me to that (if i'm allowed to go). so i gave him my phone number. i havent heard from him yet because he has a game at 3 today at the academy. i like him a lot. a lot a lot.
alright, so the end of the night comes. nicole and i leave together because one girl with 4 boys isnt really appropriate. so bj walks me to my car while jack walks nicole to her's. we didn't kiss. i wanted to and i felt like he wanted to, but i'm a lady, remember? haha, so we just hugged and he said he'd call. as he's walking back to the house, i walk over to jack to say goodbye and thanks. we say goodbye to nicole and she drives off. jack walks me to my car and we're talking for a little bit. and he starts getting all debbie-downer on me and invites himself into my car since it was sprinkling a bit. so he talks and talks. and i tried to console him, but a person only hears when they are ready to. he asks me about bj. he must have asked me a handful of times if i like him. and i say yes, each time. haha. it was a really confusing conversation. he would say i'm happy for you, and you and bj, but then he'd ask me for a kiss. he'd tell me that he should have asked me out instead of jenny way back in 10th grade, and then he'd ask for a kiss. he would say how beautiful i am, that my eyes are "hypnotizing," and that my smile is "intoxicating," and how lucky bj is then he'd ask for a kiss. haha. it was weird. i was just praying that bj wasn't watching or anything. i wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. and i feel awful for jack because this is definitely not the confident jack ferrick that i know and love. but he's not helping himself.
anyway, i'm gonna go because i've been on this thing for too long. peace out. xoxo.

yes, i got back from the miami area yesterday at about 830 in the morning. when in miami, we stayed at the rodeway inn, which i would recommend. we were located in the art deco district, which is just gorgeous. it looks like it does in dreams. seriously. with all the pastel colors and clean lines and geometric shapes. for a gal who grew up admiring architecture, i nearly peed myself.
benn and alli went on this journey with me to a place of palm trees and good-looking people. now, i know what u'r thinking: "Three people on a vacation is not a good idea. Two people always buddy-up, silly." i know. i was well aware of this rumor. but benn alli and i have an interesting dynamic. whenever we hang out, it's cool, it's fun. but, uh, wow. i'm gonna put some truth to this rumor right now. benn single-handedly ruined alli and my's spring break. now, we had several meetings before-hand, of course, if you know me. we discussed our activities, money, travel, food, everything. so i was a bit confused on the first day when alli and i were talking about what day is best for the duck tour, and benn purks up and admits (sp?) his lack of desire to join alli and i on the duck tour. if you r not aware of the duck tour, it is a land and water adventure tour. so we asked benn what he'd like to do instead and he responded with--ladies guess ... yeah, "I don't know." and that's how it was the entire trip. alli and i wanted to experience miami and all it's treasures; whereas, benn continuous did not want to join us and had no alternative suggestions. oh no, it doesn't end here. not only was he disinterested, but he was a complainer. yes, i just made up a word, but all benn did from literally beginning to end was complain. he complained about an assortment of things, such as my car (which, if u know me, is the love of my life), the temperature of the miami beach water, how tired he was waking up at 1030 in the morning, how long our food took to get to us, the music i liked, ... it goes on. he complained about EVERYTHING. alli, at one point on the trip, said "benn, i'd like to hear u say one positive thing this trip. admit that you LIKE something here." so benn was a party-pooper and a whiner, but there is one more event that MADE THIS TRIP INCREDIBLE ... the midnight rape. since alli booked so late, we all had to share a king-size bed, which is actually not that bad. the first night benn sleeps on the floor for whatever reason. the second night, benn gets uber drunk from 14 shots of capt. morgan's. so the layout of the bed is benn and i on opposite ends of the bed, and alli is in the middle. just a side-note, i'm a light sleeper. in the middle of the night, out of the corner of my eye, i can see benn tugging at alli's limbs and torso, attempting to pull her closer to him. he is successful and tries to put his leg over top of her legs and alli comes out of sleep and pushes him away and rolls over. not even 5 minutes go by before he's at it again. benn was persistent. he tried to get with her about 5 or 6 times. so basically, benn's company was hard to enjoy for 5ish days.
anyway, miami was beautiful for early march and it might be my new home this fall. at 830 in the morning yesterday, i opened my mail and discovered an acceptance letter from University of Miami! i'm a Hurricane! how crazy is that? i'm excited, but nervous at the same time. and yesterday, my fam ordered chinese and my fortune cookies both said things about not being afraid to "take the next step" and "miss a big opportunity," so more craziness. another thing that's crazy is that within the first hour of alli, benn and i arriving in miami, we got a tarot reading and ... just weird. she was very on. i'll leave it at that. so the choice for schools in the fall is really between drexel and miami. they are both the kinds of schools i wanted. miami is more of a fit of what i wanted out of a school, and i'm pretty sure that that's where i'll be in august. be jealous. i just could believe it. miami is so hard to get into, too. crazy.
well. i can't leave u without a trevor update. the girlfriend in hawaii is out and replaced with abby, who lives an hour and a half from him in orange county. he met her at his new (and second) job at hollister. AND, she is also the same height as me. creeeepy. but what's most odd about this whole thing is that he dumped steph (the hawaii girl) the same way he dumped me. he waited it out until he found someone else, and then dumped her. sounds like someone can't stand being alone.
well, i think i'm gonna go now. peace.

sooo ... i'm starting to panic because i want to of finished applying to schools by march 1. i have like little bits an pieces everywhere of what i need to do and what i've got together. i think i'm just having one of my infamous panic attacks. and i'm probably getting one because it's nearing two in the morning. (sigh) all i wanna do is go to college! yeesh.
i have a lot going on this month, too. i've got a free-lance job ... not a 9-5 type of thing ... one of my co-workers at the shop is going into business for herself in march. she asked me to design her a logo ... and she's going to pay me for it. i'll make $500 off the logo, but if i get her to commit to (i think it's called) a corporate package (which is a logo, business cards, envelopes, and a letterhead) then i'll make $1 500. pretty sweet, huh? i'll probably ask her for a little less since i'm not a professional and i've known her for a couple years. so i've been working on that, which is why i'm up this late. lemme see, i've got the miami trip coming up, and since it's really my trip, i felt like i should do most of the arranging. but i did tell alli to figure out stuff for us to do, cuz i suck at finding stuff like that. so far, all i've got is one hotel reservation for key largo, and i've got gas money figured out. so i gotta get the last two hotel junks figured out. what else? i'm visiting tech the last weekend of feb. (which means i have to have all of my other necessary app stuff done before i go). and i'm working on getting some of my REAL friends to go down too. i dont know if real is the right word. anyway. i'm trying to get joe and nathan to go because i love them. they're the best guys in the world. that reminds me, i have to call nathan about lunch. anyway, so the purpose of this drive is to drop of my portfolio b/c they have a weird thing, but i'm going to be there for like 5 days. alli wants to go. i have mixed feelings about that, and i dont know why.
speaking of alli ... miguel invited me to a friend of his' birthday celebration at the h2o club in dc, and since it's vip, her and i can go without id checks and all that. how sweet is that? first of all, i'm stoked that I can go, but now that ALLI can come, too ... sweet. i have one little worry and that is that she's amazing and that everyone will like her more than me because she's just so cool, but it's a very little worry because i'm so FREAKING excited that i'm going and she'll be there with me. alli really is my best friend. and i think i'm her's, too. i haven't really had a friend like her since i was real young. her friendship couldn't have come at a better time. and of course that comment is referring to trevor.
my feelings for trevor have made a complete 180 since this month has started. i can't even explain how or why or when exactly it happened, but i really just want to get away from him -- everything him. i dont understand why guys feel the need to say as little as possible in an attempt to avoid confrontation. if trevor was just real with me from the beginning, then i wouldnt be feeling such bitterness that i do right now and that i probably will for the rest of my life. which is gay.
i dont have a transitional phrase to place here so i'm just going to jump into it. i'm nervous for alli. she's starting to feel the things i was thinking real early-on in her marriage. things like the age difference ... she's beginning her independence, and he's kinda been-there done-that; her school ... she's starting to take it seriously (thank goodness), but tom doesn't; and then the baby thing ... i hate feeling like this, but it truely was a blessing in disguise. i just feel bad because she really doesn't seem completely happy with tom. and there are some things that are occurring in her marriage that are just sending up red flags for me and i think for her too. it sucks because she's torn ... what should she do? or should she not do anything at all? but then for how long should she not doing anything? but, they got married for a reason, right? ... i want to help her but i dont know what to say to help ... i dont really know anything about marriage except what i want to bring to mine. it also kind of seems like her long love for tom and her relatives' opinion are the only thing keeping her in her marriage. tom's also gonna be gone for six months in may, i think. i told her to just wait it out the six months and see how she feels. good advice, right? i hope so. she's a smart girl tho, i have no worries that she'll find her way.
alright, i seriously gotta go to bed. this is sad. i dont like going to bed so late. it's bad for the next day.

so i freaking looove community college. how gay is that, right? haha. but it's wonderful. i have like five friends already. crazy. what a difference. oh, and i also dropped two classes, so now i'm only taking one class. what a loser, right? but i did it so that i could get an internship or somesing during the day. so i now only have class mondays and wednesdays from 730-10ish. anyway, so i met my first friend the first day when I was still taking three classes. she's already pretty special to me. i heard her, amy, talking to the professor about the next class, which i was also taking. so when she sat back down i started talking to her. and we've been inseperable ever since! haha, j/p. but she's super cool. and she's like 30, but I had no idea! I totally thought she was like 25-27. then my other friend, which i have no idea how to spell (it kinda sounds like the word "demon" but there's in "ace" in there), on the first day too, but it was in the second class. he's suuuper nice. and then the other girl is kinda like amy, in that she's taking both classes, and she's just so weird, but i love it. she like never knows what's going on or how to do anything. it's hilarious. and then my last friend is already pretty special to me, too. i was killing time in the open lab inbetween the two classes (when i was still taking the other one) by myself since amy had a dinner with her friends. his name is migel. i was searching for jobs on craigslist.com, and he just rolled over in his chair and asked me if i was looking for apartments. and we've been friends since. sending emails back and forth. ok, so maybe i have a little bit of a crush ... yeah. anyway, he just invited me to his friend's birthday party that's going to be at the H20 club in dc, and it's all free and VIP. how crazy is that? i hope i can go. ugh, being 20 is WAY worse than being a teenager. SOO CLOOOSE!
what else, oh, so i did go on one job interview. like a week ago. ugh. it went really well, and i'm glad i had the experience, but the people were real slick and shady. the interview was at an apartment. i'll leave it at that. haha.
let me see ... i sent out my first complete application package yesterday. it was to drexel. yes, i am applying to drexel. it was just philau i wasn't happy with. i loved the city, and i love university city. i completely fell in love with it when cait and i first went there to take pictures. next on the list is u of miami. i think i'll be all done with them whenever they decide to change my major in a timely fashion, yeesh. then it's tech, which has a weird ass portfolio process. so hopefully at the end of the month i'll be visiting tech. i really love tech. and i miss brittnee. she's so quirky. i love her. and after that, it's radford u, jacksonville u, and fsu. i just have to send in a reactivation form to vcu. then i'll be all done! hooray! oh yeah, CAIT, i'm totally using your pictures in like all of my portfolios! haha. how weird (and cool) is that!? you're like a celebrity!
alright, i'll end with a trevor update. yeah, there's not really much to say except my patience is wearing PRETTY thin. and i would call and verbal vomit on him, but i know that it wouldn't phase him one bit and i know that nothing would come of it. he's just so "whatever". like it really doesn't surprise me one bit that he's staying with steph and doing the long-distance thing. she probably told him she wanted to stay together, and he was probably like "sure". so gay. it's such a weird feeling. i miss him, right? but then i really dont think i'd take him back if he came begging. how weird is that? oh yeah, and i still havent seen him. it's been 7 months now. i havent even accidentally ran into him or seen his car on the road or anything. weird right? but i know what's going to happen is i'm going to be all moved on and then i'm going to bump into him. gay. the universe is gay.
oh, wanna know what other gay thing i'm doing right now? i'm trying to see if tom, alli's husband, is capable of finding people in the army. do u remember who's in the army? i'll give you a second ... brandon. brandon armbrester. why the hell not? i thought. why not see how he's doing? so there might be some letters of correspondence going down in the next couple months ... hopefully. i really miss that kid.
alright, i gotta shower and get ready for work. peace out.

so what i'm hoping is that my horoscope is right and that turmoil will be ending soon ... preferably as soon as possible after my court date. yeah that'd be super. tomorrow i am leaving to head back to philadelphia to meet the devil personified (aka a philadelphia traffic court judge) to get myself ripped a new ass hole. apparently, the cop wrote me up for running TWO red lights. (groan) tomorrow i am also attempting to call my former professor and advisor to let them know i will be in town and that i need them to write recommendations.
recommendations. i am beginning the application process for a third time now. the two schools that are at the top of my list is university of miami and drexel university. i have like 4 schools after that: va tech, radford univ, vcu, scad, univ. of n. fl, and jacksonville univ. and if i dont get into a school that i like this time, then i just might have to run head first into traffic or shoot myself in the face.
speaking of shooting myself in the face, i talked to trevor the other day. it wasn't nearly as bad as shooting myself in the face would be, but it's hard to explain the uncomfortable feeling that takes over me when i see his name on my cell phone's caller id or his model car on the road, and i'll get that feeling at random parts of our convo. maybe that's called "nervous." mostly during the silences. the silences actually arent that bad, at least for me. they arent as awkward as you would expect them to be. he's still with his g/f, who is now in hawaii. if i was going to school in hawaii, no matter how much i loved trev, i would not want a boyfriend. not for the reason that i'd want to party it up or anything like that, it's the distance. i'm curious about his rents' opinion of his relationship. anyway, so he's doing the (very) long distance thing ... again. i would also like to point out something interesting and kind of ironic: the reason he gave me for breaking up with me in august was that he didnt want to do to the long distance thing anymore. interesting. well, other than the relationship chatter, the rest of our convo was pretty great, too. we were making verbal jabs at each other like normal, talked about some fun things we did ... yup. so, u r probably wondering if my feelings for trev are coming back or if i want to get back with him, am i right? well, i did forget how much i miss him-his company, his voice, his weird sense of intuition, his familiarity-and how much i undeniably and unconditionally love him. but, with that said, i also realized how strong i've become and how much i have learned in these last six months. rather than wearing my heart on my sleeve, as would be my nature, i have learned to control myself; so rather than bubbling over with prying and uncomfortable questions, i slowed down my heart and my mind and just asked baby questions, such as: "Are you and Steph still together? ... How's that going?" and "Would you want to hang out?" props? props? well, i'm proud of myself. but, in all honesty, i dont see trev and i lasting much longer with whatever kind of relationship we have. it's hard because i know he wont confess to me what is on his mind and his heart, if anyone, it'd probably have to be my bleeding heart. THEN AGAIN, we havent seen each other in six months, and i've gotten really hot and slimmed down (tehehe). but seriously, we havent seen each other in six months, so maybe that physical attraction that first pulled us together would conjure up old feelings ... maybe. i know that i'm still attracted to him ... at least in my dreams (*wink).
so what else? i'm planning a trip to miami, key largo, and jacksonville in march. i'm going with my best friends Alli and Benn. we'll be spending most of our time in miami, but we are spending a day in key largo and jacksonville. and i think this trip is going to pretty much make up for my crummy 2005.
also, new year's resolutions! cant forget those. i have two ... well, kind of three. 1) read more-i want to try to read some of the classics that i never got to read in high school b/c i was too lazy; 2) get healthy-eat pretty much like i was last semester, and work out a little. and the third one that i'm kind of on the fence about is tanning. i would like to get tan. especially now that this miami trip is really pulling together. i bought the jergens natural glow lotion, or whatever it's called, and it does what it says ... gives you a nice natural glow, but it doesnt really TAN you. you know, make you a little brown or golden. so i'm thinking that since i have a three hour gap between my classes on mondays and wednesdays in alexandria, maybe i could fill it ... with a tanning membership. i have to look into it.
i think i've created a pretty solid first entry, so i'll exit. xoxo.